I struggle dealing with guilt over my behaviour and attitude in the past and I cringe when I get flashbacks. I feel it is my duty to help people that are undergoing these issues (and that’s not altruistic of me, some people actually help instead of just saying they should be helping) but again I can’t for the life of me figure out a concrete way to actually do anything.
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Never been forced in to marriage as a teenager, never suffered from extreme hunger/thirst, always had a shelter over my head, never had to go through female genital mutilation, never been discriminated over the colour of my skin and just so many more things. Who is to say if you had made different choices in the past you would have had more focus now?” My mind also gets very overwhelmed when I read articles online and I realise how lucky I‘ve had it. I had a good rant in one of my previous blogs about how education post high school was a mess for me but of course a no nonsense person would tell me “ no use dwelling on the past, focus on what you can do now” and a philosophical/spiritual voice would say “ there are no right or wrong choices. I know this is the classic tale of someone falling in to the trap of comparing himself/herself with others but well in today’s age of social media it’s hard not to and perhaps it’s not always a bad thing if it can help one to do something worthwhile in their lives too.īut at the moment, I’m just not finding that one clear calling. Everyone is just so busy and I’m so available. I look at myself and well let’s just say I’m not doing much. I scroll through facebook and I see ex-classmates or just people I know inventing apps, graduating in engineering, medicine or some typically respected degree, organising fundraisers to help the less fortunate, inventing renewable and cost effective pads for less fortunate women in developing countries (although frankly it must be so inconvenient to use renewable pads though I recognise how good it is for the environment and I also recognise that unfortunately some women don’t have the choice) and just conquering the world basically. Sometimes, it’s hard to know what exactly you’re supposed to be doing with your life.
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